I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
