you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
