I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
