I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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