Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
