i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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