I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize