Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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