now i know why i became what i already was.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
