I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize