but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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