Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
