Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You pole danced in your parka.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
