SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
