So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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