it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
