it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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