her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
