Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
