WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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