My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
