Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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