God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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