I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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