I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fuck appropriateness.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
