This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
