Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
