I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
