My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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