its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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