i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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