Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
