Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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