...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize