He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
try to milk me bitch
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