For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
