so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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