Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
