i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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