she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
