you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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