so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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