I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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