thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize