I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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