This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
