Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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