sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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