And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
