I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
