but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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