I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
