just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
