I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize