if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
