we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
