my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize