I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
