well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
