Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
