Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
