OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
