You made me cry and you don't even care
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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