Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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