Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
