I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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