I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
