nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
