either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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